Opening Up in a Big Way

Uncategorized Jun 28, 2018


Today I’m just sharing from my heart, and I want to tell you about why it’s important to allow yourself to feel the emotions that come up.

I’m all about leaning into pleasure as your guidance system, but I’m also about allowing those emotions. I dance them, I laugh them, I cry them, whatever it is.

There’s a lot of power in allowing desire, in allowing compassion, pain, anger, and whatever else it could be. Anything you suppress grows into a crazy monster and it will come out and control you in some other way. For example, if you suppress anger, then at that same level, you’re suppressing joy.

Allowing Feelings to Flow during a Relationship Transition

Lately I’ve been in a transitioning relationship, and at the same time, I’ve been expanding in so many ways. This transition is calling for a certain special someone and I to redefine our roles in each other’s lives.

A lot of times when that’s happening, it’s easy to vilify the other person or move away from the other person. What I’ve done differently in this relationship is to stand in my own truth and still hold a space where my special friend can stand in truth, too.

It’s been very painful in ways because there are all the hurt feelings, and there’s the unknown, and the holding of the person, the humanity, the connection to the person that I love so much.

The thing that’s different about this transition compared to other transitions is that while it’s like a death, and we’re grieving, I didn’t have to say goodbye and then go grieve with my girlfriends. Instead, I’m grieving WITH this person. I’m hearing his heart.

I am honoring both my own voice and another person in this situation. I’m hearing him and at the same time holding my truth: I absolutely love and adore this person, and the relationship has to transition. Rather than vilifying each other we’re grieving together and celebrating together and leveling up in our ownership together.

I have two other male friends in my life that are grieving their relationships with the feminine and holding space with them. It’s been really beautiful and interesting to watch the interplay of masculine and feminine within ourselves and how much that impacts us.

Here’s what’s interesting. As I’m allowing all these feelings to flow through me all at once, I’m opening up and expanding in ways I didn’t know were possible for me.

Emotions and the DMT Molecule

The DMT Molecule is called the spirit molecule. It goes off in our brains when we’re born, when we die and when we’re dreaming.

In day to day life, we keep things compartmentalized, but when DMT is going off in dream world you don’t have these walls. You don’t have thoughts like now I’m happy, now I’m sad, now I’m orgasmic, or now I’m angry.  

I’m getting into something really crazy because I’m experiencing this as I’ve expanded my capacity to be able to hold joy, to be able to shed the shiz that doesn’t serve me, to speak my truth, to keep my humanity and not vilify someone in order to change something, to still love that person and hold boundaries.

I’m feeling it all at the exact same time and it’s absolutely beautiful and stunning and humongous. It has brought so many tears to my eyes.

As I allow these feelings to flow all at once, I’m having a self-actualized moment. I am living the DMT experience, and my heart is bigger than I’ve ever felt it.

My capacity for feeling joy has grown tremendously, but it’s not just my joy, it’s my full power. My full presence is here because I’m allowing it all. I’m not resisting. I’m staying in my heart, I’m speaking my truth, and I’m holding truth and space for the other people in my life.

And that brings me to my next thought: as I allow these feelings to flow through me, I’m reconnecting with God the Father.

Embracing both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine

I’ve always been into connecting with God the Mother, or the Divine Feminine or whatever you want to call her. This experience has shown me a little bit more of the interplay between the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine, and I am just in awe.

I am in awe of our capacity as human beings, I am in awe of God the Father, and I am in awe of God the Mother.

As we allow ourselves to feel a full range of emotions, to stay connected to Spirit, and to ask questions, we begin to heal our relationship with Divine Father and Divine Mother. This also allows us to reconnect with and heal relationships with the father and mother who gave birth to us and raised us here in this realm.

It can bring healing with our brothers and sisters and the rest of our families, as well. It heals our spiritual houses because it’s all connected. WE ARE ALL CONNECTED.

We can’t vilify people and not vilify ourselves. We can’t judge others and not judge ourselves, and we can’t hold separateness in our hearts and minds and still have a healthy relationship with Divine Father and Divine Mother.

This is why we have to allow the emotions to come through. To be with all of it, the good and the bad, the light and the shadow, and to embrace it all unconditionally, is such a beautiful gift.

It’s taken some work and some exercises to get where I can live with my heart wide open. I’ve had to learn to shed all the shiz and move into absolute truth, but I have never felt this capacity. This is about knowing who I am and who you are as people.

Where We Go From Here  

I’ve been stepping into a lot of completely unknown and uncharted territory. I’m feeling in my body that this is what my spirit wants, so I’m stepping forward in love, trusting myself and watching as the confirmations come.

This is all there is for me to do, and I think this is all that any of us can do. We just need to let go of the doubts, let go of the fear, do our best to offer it up and heal the masculine and feminine stories we tell ourselves.

As we do this, we need to heal our relationship with ourselves. We need to stop judging ourselves, stop lying to ourselves, and stop wasting time with ideas like I’m not skinny enough, healthy enough, pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, or whatever. Also, we need to let go of the idea that we can vilify other people, as if making them wrong will make us right. That’s all just BS that keeps you from being open.

What it tells me is come what may, I must sell myself to this a hundred percent, meaning I’ll continue speaking my truth. I’ll keep forgiving, loving, holding space for people I love, staying connected to the truth of our humanity and staying open.


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