Just before he drugged and raped me--

Uncategorized Aug 02, 2018
 

 

 

Just before he drugged and raped me,

He told me that I would never be able to have a business that helps people.

He was Effing wrong!

The weight of the topic might make you wonder why I’m smiling so big.

You already know part of the ending. I’m doing exactly what he said I wouldn’t do. I’m glad I’m proving him wrong, but that’s not why I moved forward with my plans. I did it because it’s the desire of my heart. 

Here’s how it happened:

When I was about 25 years old, I was working as a dancer in a topless club. I knew that wasn’t the kind of life I wanted but I wasn’t sure how to replace my income. I had already started reading books on success and was seeking out mentors who could help me when I met Frank.

Frank worked for the World Bank. In my innocence, I thought he could teach me something about how to be great, how to be successful, how to get out the mindset that was keeping me down. I began to think of him as a mentor.

While I was waiting for my new apartment to open up, I had a fall-out with an Aunt I was staying with and had to move out. I didn’t know where I was going to go. Frank said I could stay in his second house until my apartment became available. I was ecstatic—things were really looking up for me!

At least, that’s what I thought.

He left me at the house and went to dinner with a promise that he’d check up on me later. While he was gone I dived into a goal-setting session. I spent the time writing about how one day I was going to help women, how I was going to help them love their bodies, love themselves and empower them in every way. That had been my dream since I was seventeen.

When he came back to the house, he made me some hot tea and I started talking to him about my dreams. Those of you who know me know how enthusiastic I am at 40. Imagine what I was like when I was 25! I told him I was going to have a business one day where I would make a difference, help people change their lives and give them hope. It was the blueprint of my heart.

His words were so weighty. I remember him looking at me and saying, “Adora, that will never happen.”

He said that’s not the way business works. He said I’d have to create a successful business of some other type first and use the money from that enterprise for charitable work. I was heartbroken and confused, and worse, there was something wrong with my body.

His face went blurry. My world went dark and shadowy and heavy, and I started slipping in and out of consciousness. I vaguely remember him pulling me up the stairs. I remember more than I want to but I was powerless to do anything about what was happening, and I was terrified.

Here’s the crazy thing. I woke up in the morning with these memories thinking I must have led him on, that maybe I had a brain tumor that caused my body to go dark like that. A few days later I finally confided in a friend who persuaded me to get tested for drugs.

Frank had put rohypnol in my tea. He didn’t even deny it.

Now let’s move to the other side of that experience. Here I am. Every day, I get to help people I help women live their truth.

Maybe you’ve got a similar story. I hope not, but maybe you’ve had a dream that was meaningful to you and someone in your life said it was never going to happen, that you couldn’t do it, that you’re not enough. Words like that are hurtful and can play in the background of your belief system for a long time.

Thankfully, I was already kind of led to the work I’m doing now. That experience made me even more determined to help other women find their homes in their own bodies and to appreciate themselves even when other people don’t.

I never got into another situation like that. I started shedding the shame, trusting my voice, owning my intuition and working through the pain. After a lot of work, I’m at home in my own body. I trust my body. I trust my inklings and intuitions, and I don’t attract or stay around people like that at all. I know who I am. I use my voice.

So now, even if someone I really admire gives me advice, I take it in and think about it, but I always make sure I’m listening to MYSELF when I make a choice. I’m the one who knows what my desires are. I’m the one who knows what I was meant to be.  I own it.

Here’s the thing, when you’re aligned with your body, when you love your body, when you love yourself at a deep level, and you trust yourself, you can shed the shame and lean into pleasure. Instead of shutting down or cutting off your flow of abundance, you can create more. When you lean into your own understanding, this goddess-goodness-god-ness that you have divinely innately inside of you, then you’re led toward the things that are for your blessing.

And then you can bless the lives of others, as well. Here’s the other thing to know. What God puts into your heart, those desires he puts there, are your own blueprint. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to bring them about. They are as instinctual for you as it is instinctual for birds to fly or fish to swim.

Your desires are part of your soul calling. They are part of your design. Stop comparing yourself to other people, stop beating yourself up, and start leaning into the fact that YOU DESIRE SOMETHING. Celebrate it. Make it come true, and never, ever listen to the people who tell you that you can’t do it.

Remember, the best success is when someone tells you that you can’t do something—and you do it anyway.

 

 

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